Marauder Rules
by Paw Print Pajamas
Summary: In every group there has to be a set of rules that every one have to follow. These are the rules that the Marauders made up. Spoilers for my Gryffindor series.
1. Rules 1 through 7

I don't own the Harry Potter characters but I do own the rules.

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

In every group there has to be a set of rules that every one have to follow. We, meaning the Marauders, also have to have a set of rules. It has come our attention that we already have some unwritten rules and wish for them to be published or at least neatly written in Remus' Muggle notebook. We will have a different page for the year each rule has been established.

1.When in the presence of Sirius a.k.a. Padfoot, never say 'You can't be serious' or any variants as it will cause Sirius to use his name as a pun. This rule will be exempted in case of an emergency.

_Moony will you stop being so stiff._

I am not being stiff, I'm being professional.

**Will you just let him write? I want to get this done.**

2. We can't use the same prank twice. If one us of does repeat a prank, that prank will be played on that person or persons.

3. **_Don't prank someone more than once in a single week with the exception of Snivellus or any other Slytherin unless they aren't horrible to you. It's rare to find a nice Slytherin but it is possible. _**

_Name one Prongs. _

**_Professor Slughorn has always treated everyone fairly_**.

**But he _has_ to be nice. He would lose his job if he treated the Slytherins better than anyone else. **

4. Don't give someone you prank a weapon.

_You got that right. I still have scars from when Snivellus pecked me from when we turned him into a canary. _

_5. Don't prank another Marauder. There will be expectations written in future pages. This does include rule 2. _

6. **Don't lie to another Marauder. Punishment will be embarrassing. **

_**Yeah, like that time you lied to Moony about copying his homework. **_

**I don't want to talk about that. I still haven't forgiven you for that flatulence charm that you used. Bertha Jorkins avoided me for two weeks after that. **

I thought you didn't like her. Just yesterday you said that you wished she would stop gossiping about you.

**I only said that because she said that I liked Greta Catchlove. **

_So, who do you like Wormtail?_

7. Don't call each other nicknames unless the named person approves of that nickname.

_**I really hate being called Jamie. My fifth cousin twice removed on my dad's side was called Jamie and that was a girl. **_

_We know Prongs. You've been saying that for the past seven years. _

_**I'm only trying to get my point across to those who can't remember. **_

I still can't believe that Wormtail allowed us to call him Pudge-Pudge for five years.

Well, that's all we have for First Year.

_Now you decide not to be stiff._

I'm NOT stiff!


	2. Rules 8 through 14

I don't own the Harry Potter characters but I do own the rules.

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

8.**_ Never tell the secrets of a Marauder to one who is not a Marauder. _**

**That's an important one. **

_No duh Wormtail. Thanks for stating the obvious. _

There's nothing wrong with that.

9. Don't tell a Marauder a secret another Marauder told unless you have permission from the Marauder who told the secret.

**WHAT?**

_**He means don't blab. **_

_Moony you're doing it again. _

Doing what?

_Being stiff._

10. **Leave Lily** **Evans alone. She's Prongs' flower. Do not prank Lily Evans. Prongs will hurt you if you do. **

11. _On Christmas, the last Marauder to wake is to be pranked for preventing the other Marauders from opening their presents. _

That's a good and fun rule. But for some reason Wormtail is always the last one awake.

**I hate that rule. I always end up getting wet or cover in something sticky. **

_But we need that rule. Most people go home for the Holidays so we need a release from not being able to prank someone. _

**_It really isn't our fault that you refuse to wake early on Christmas. Besides, it's already a tradition. Who are we to ruin a six year tradition? _**

12. A Marauder must write at least three letters to each Marauder during the summer. This will alleviate extreme boredom.

**What does 'alleviate' mean? **

It means to lessen.

_Why look in a dictionary when you have a talking encyclopedia five feet away. Really Moony, use slighter lexis. With Wormtail as a companion, it's compulsory._

**What?**

He wants me to use smaller words because you're my friend.

**Thanks... I think. **

13.**_ When bored find something to do. _**

_Yes, what a wonderful rule. _

_**It's important Padfoot. We are the Marauders. We shouldn't expect others to entertain us. **_

_I guess you're right. Though Snivellus is _always_ good for a laugh. We haven't pranked him at all this week. _

That's because he's in the Hospital Wing recovering from last weeks Defense class. He may know a lot of spells but he's very slow on the uptake.

**_How was I supposed to know that adding those two spells together would make him flop around like a fish? _**

_Maybe because those two spells together did turn him into a fish. It was lucky that there was a glass of water on the Professor's desk. _

14. Don't make pranks that are too dangerous. We don't want to kill anyone.

_That's much better. You weren't being stiff there. _

I'm NOT stiff.

_I just wrote that. I don't know why you're so angry. _


	3. Rules 15 through 21

I don't own Harry Potter

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

15. _If you are caught doing a prank, admit to it._

**I'll never understand that rule. It doesn't make sense. **

_**They don't have to make sense. You just have to follow them. **_

16. Never complain that a punishment is unjust. Always act with poise and elegance.

17. **_Don't_** **_get into physical fights with anyone. This rule includes Slytherins. However, if someone throws a punch at you, you can defend yourself. _**

_I just want to punch my brother just once. You can't say he doesn't deserve that. Teach him that there's more to being a wizard than having a 'powerful' name. _

**_How would hitting him prove anything? It'll just get you into trouble. _**

**Yeah, just do what I do and call him a smarmy git whenever you see him. **

18. **Be creative with your insults. **

You just contradicted yourself. Calling someone a smarmy git isn't that creative. I'd say it would be a two on the creative scale.

_**I have to agree with Moony on this one. Regulus needs to be called more than a smarmy git. I also give it a two. **_

_You guys are being too generous. I give 'smarmy git' a zero because I used that one all the time when I still lived at home. _

**I was only giving a suggestion. I wasn't being literal.**

_Wow, he said a big word. _

Padfoot!

_Sorry, I was just giving him an example of a good insult._

19. Don't insult a Marauder. We should revere each other more than with the purpose of to be so trivial.

**What?**

_**He meant that insulting each other is petty.**_

_Why can't you just put that? Half of the things you say have to be explained. _

It's more fun for me that way. I love the look on your faces when you try to decipher what I'm saying. Most of have gotten better at it through the years. But a lot of the professors still give me weird looks.

20._ **Never make Flower angry.** _

**I was never so scared of Flower than on the day you set the Tower on fire, Prongs.**

_**Why won't any one believe that was an accident? I had no idea that was going to happen. **_

Well you did put three lit firecrackers in a small box.

_**Geesh, I was thirteen and stupid. I learned my lesson after that. I'm never going to do it ever again. I made a Marauder's promise. **_

We know Prongs. We just like to hassle you once in a while.

21. _Never eat anything that Moony cooks. If you do, you risk severe food poisoning and a trip to St. Mungos. _

My cooking isn't that bad. And Wormtail only had to go to St. because he brunt his tongue. He should have tested that it was cool first.

**I haven't forgiven you for that one either. I was there of a week because the burn was so awful.**

_At least Moony wasn't stiff for the Third Year rules. _

I'm never stiff.


	4. Rules 22 through 28

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

22. **_Never date a Hufflepuff. _**

**What's wrong with Hufflepuffs? They are a lot fun when they want to be. **

_They are way too loyal. I dated one before and on our second date; she was already talking about marriage and kids. This was in Third Year._

**_Are you talking about Micelle Abbot? The girl who would always wear he hair in pigtails?_**

_Yeah, what's your point? I thought the pigtails were cute. _

23. Marauders never say 'cute'. It's demeaning.

_Don't think I'm cute when I'm a dog. Everyone but that Trelawney girl thinks I am. _

**That's because she thinks that if she gets too close she'll die. Divination shouldn't be allowed to be taught in school. I took the class and the teacher said that I would have a pampered but lonely life soon after we leave school. **

That class is vague. I'm glad that I dropped it in Third Year. It was the most inane class I have ever taken. You remember on our first class that she said that everyone I care for would leave me one day. You guys would never do that to me.

_**We wouldn't do that to anyone in our group.**_

24. _Never call Voldemort You-Know-Who. Fear in a name only increase the fear in the thing. Marauders aren't supposed to be afraid of anything._

**But I am afraid of Voldemort. He's so much stronger than any of us ever will be. **

_**If we're together, we are a hundred times stronger than Voldemort. Nothing will ever separate us. **_

25. **Never test a prank on yourself if you don't know what the results will be. **

26. Don't tell anyone outside of the Marauders your ideas for pranks.

Wormtail did that once and we got a weeks worth of detention. We didn't even pull the prank.

**How many times do I have to say that I'm sorry? **

_**Several more. We haven't forgiven you for telling Hestia that we were going to turn Filch's Kneazle yellow. **_

_**Didn't you date her Padfoot?**_

_Once. She's a Hufflepuff too. She didn't talk about marriage, thank Merlin._

_27. Don't snog on a first date. A peck on the check is fine. _

I actually agree with that rule.

_**So do I. **_

**Girls hate me anyways, so I have no choice to agree. **

_**Girls don't hate you. They just think you are creepy. **_

**Gee thanks Prongs. I thought you were going to say something nice for a change. **

_**I'm always nice. **_

_28. Don't practice animagus transformations on week days or before Quidditch games._

I still can't believe you played with that tail Prongs.

_**No one noticed. I don't see what the problem was. **_

_I noticed. _

_**That's only because you were flying behind the whole time. A lot of people thought you were looking at my butt. **_

Well that was gross.

_And Moony wasn't stiff. I think we broke him. _

I'm not broken.

I'm not stiff.


	5. Rules 29 through 35

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

29. Never allow Padfoot on the furniture. It's too hard to explain why there's dog fur everywhere.

_It's a lie. I don't shed. I rebuke that rule. My fur is as perfect as my hair._

_**Moony does have a point. Every Spring I find dog hair in our dorm. Flower asked me about it and I had to come with an excuse that she would believe. **_

**I agree with Prongs and Moony. It's natural for dogs to shed their heavy coats in the spring. My Mum's terrier did the same thing. **

30. _Never get Dumbledore mad. It could mean the end of your life as you know it. _

_**That was a difficult lesson that we had to learn. And an experience I never want to witness ever again. He wasn't even mad at me.**_

31. **Never mention the 'Whomping Willow Incident'. **

32. Don't brag.

_I don't see the point of this rule. I have never bragged about anything in my entire life. _

_**What about the time you told everyone you met that you dated every Ravenclaw between Fourth and Sixth Years. **_

**And when you bragged that you were the first in our Year to find the kitchens. **

Don't forget the constant reminder that you have the best hair of all of the Wizarding and Muggle worlds.

_I can't help but to tell the truth. I do have great hair. All the girls love to touch it. Some blokes even asked me how I gotten such wonderful hair._

**_I blame his mother for making him so bigheaded._**

33. **_Never laugh at Professor McGonagall. _**

_**It was her fault when she came to the Tower in nothing but her tartan robes. I mean not even my Grandmother Violetta wears tartan.** _

_Prongs you never met Violetta. She died near twenty years before we were born._

That's how you and Prongs are related right. Violetta was Padfoot's great grandmother and Prongs' grandmother.

_My grandmother Irma is Great Aunt Dorea's sister. Prongs is Dorea's son. I'm surprised that she wasn't blown off the family tree for marrying Great Uncle Charlus. A Black and Potter getting married to each other is unthinkable. _

**_Well, Mum was one of the first Blacks who was sorted into Ravenclaw. She hates the family nearly as much and Padfoot and Andromeda._**

34. **Never mention Padfoot's family in front of Padfoot or Prongs. **

_I like Uncle Alphard and Great Uncle Marius, though I only met him once. He hates that the family disowned him because he can't do magic. _

35. **_Remember to have fun even when you are busy. It's a great stress reliever._**

I still think you guys should have studied more that year. I amazed at how well you all did on your O.W.L.'s. Oh sorry Wormtail, but you should have studied.

**But the examiners kept giving me these evil glares as if I was going prank them during the exam.**

_I like this Moony. He isn't being stiff like before. _

Will you stop calling me stiff? It gets annoying at times.

_Nope, never._

I hate you.

_And I love you like a brother too._

Argh, I give up.

Yea, I won.


	6. Rules 36 through 42

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

36. _Never tell people that Moony likes to moon people. _

And why is that.

_Because it is undignified, degrading and likely to cause the younger students nightmares. _

Padfoot! Well, actually that last bit might be true. But that doesn't mean that it should be in the rule book.

_**Anyway.**_

37.**_ Never call Moony's furry little problem a furry little problem so no one would think he had a troublemaking rabbit._**

I hate that you did that Prongs. I have at least one First Year a day ask me if Floppy was behaving. I would never name a rabbit Floppy. It would humiliate the poor thing.

_**Geesh Moony, you don't have to get so defensive about an imaginary rabbit. **_

And what id some kid finds a rabbit thinking that it's 'Floppy' and bring it to our dorm. It would confuse or terrify the creature.

_That's rich coming from you Moony. _

38. Don't look Snivellus in the eye.

**Why not?**

**_Because he's a bloody Legilimens._**

**How do you know that? I never seen any proof that he is. **

_He tried to look into Moony's mind. It looks like your furry little problem has at least one benefit. You're a natural Occlums. _

Yea, but it was painful when he tried that. He should know that the beast is overprotective of it's host. It's not a great feeling having a greasy git trying to enter your mind.

**Could he be doing that to the rest of us?**

_**He probably is. **_

**Can't we think of happier things now? **

39. **When you don't know something just smile and nod.**

40. Don't let the Slytherins get to you.

_**We should of made that rule a long time ago. It would have made things a lot easier when we were younger. **_

But we can't change that now. Even if we had a Time Turner it wouldn't of changed anything.

**What's a Time Turner?**

_**Never mind Wormy. It's not that important. **_

**Were you using one back in Third Year when you could decide what classes to take?**

I can't confirm or deny that.

41. _Remember that revenge is bittersweet. _

_**Why did you put that?**_

_Experience. _

_**Do I what to know what you meant by that?**_

_Probably not. It's not that important. _

42. Never call Padfoot morbid, disparaging, morose, gloomy, melancholic, miserable, glum, pessimistic, depressed, cynical, dismal, ominous, dejected, forlorn, sorrowful, wretched, despondent, baleful, or sinister.

_Don't all those things mean the same thing. _

Yes.

_Then you're being stiff. _

I don't care anymore. I gave up.


	7. Rules 43 through 49

Remus

_Sirius_

_**James**_

**Peter**

_**It's sad that this is almost over. I really enjoyed writing all of these rules.**_

**I just want to get this over with. **

_You are such a spoilsport, Wormtail. This is a very educational document that we have been creating. _

Shall we continue then?

43. Prongs is not allowed to fawn over Flower incessantly.

_**What? Why not?**_

_Maybe because there are other things we could do other than talk about your new girlfriend. And may I remind you that if she is capable of hating your guts for six years so are we. _

_**Fine, not another word about Flower.**_

44 **Prongs is not allowed to train Padfoot to sic professors.**

_**Why are you all picking on me? I only tried that once and Padfoot seemed to enjoy it. **_

_I did NOT enjoy that. And you tried it three times. I remember because you put that collar on a bit too tightly. Besides, the Professors always run when they see me. I don't understand why. _

It may have something to do with the fact that you look like a grim.

_Oh yeah._

45. _We shouldn't confess to crimes _ _that took place before we were born. That causes our professors way too much confusion. _

**I think Flitwick would have charmed us to death for that one if McGonagall hadn't shown up. Imagine the headlines. 'Students Dies from Cheering Charm.' **

I don't think that is possible.

46. Do not make s'mores while on guard duty.

**I don't make s'mores that often. **

_**Nooo, just every time we put you on guard duty. **_

**But that's all I get to do. **

47. **_Don't tell anyone about the Map. _**

Thank you for that Mr. Obvious.

**_But sometimes the obvious has to be stated because the most obvious thing can go right over someone's head. Take Wormtail for example, if we didn't tell him to keep his eyes on the Map he would forget to do it. _**

**I don't appreciate that. I know that I have to keep my eyes on the Map at all times.**

48. _We are not allowed to wake Moony by repeatedly banging him on the head with a bag of trash_

I appreciate that you won't do that anymore.

49. **We are not allowed to threaten anyone with Dark magic. Or even use Dark magic. Or think about using Dark Magic. **

The rule book is done. I can't believe it.

_Oh, please don't cry Moony. _

Why not?

_Because stiff people don't cry and if you do you'll ruin your entire image. _

How can I ruin that image when I'm not stiff?

_I thought you gave up._

Shut up you... you great lump.

_**I can't believe Moony wrote shut up. **_

**I can't believe Moony wrote great lump. **

This document can't not be duplicated without the permission of Moony, **Wormtail**, _Padfoot, **or Prongs. **_This document is cursed that if any one tries they would wet themselves.


End file.
